“Sometimes I feel empty,” the glass told the sponge.

I am not emotionally stable enough to handle the finale of Grey’s Anatomy. I probably should pretend it never happened.

terrysdiary:

Paul Rudd at my studio #2

When I think of you it is always with my arms around your waist and I am squeezing tight and you are slightly soft, slightly round and your hand is resting on my head and I feel comfortable and safe.

But I don’t know if it happened like that.

heartbeat follows heartbeat

like a line of dominoes

the end of the line is

what it is darling one of

life’s few certainties

but I spilt that bubble bath

the other day and now

everything smells of

oranges and nothing

smells of you

nothing smells of you

How does one mark the end of not-quite-a-moment?

Because it has been one of those days.

It was a feeling like

knitting-wool in the pit of

my stomach and this

tightness in my chest

and a pressure behind

my eyes as if they

were sparking like

light bulbs and I

couldn’t stop and

it rose up and rooted

itself somewhere

and grew and flourished

made a home and

made me helpless.

So I was lucky enough to receive a free copy of Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James. While I love being gifted with anything free, I approach it with some trepidation. For a start, I have heard from a few sources that it actually stemmed from Twilight fan-fiction. I’m not against fan-fiction but I’m not a reader of it either. I prefer to follow the author and to finish the story as it was intended. Secondly, FSoG has also been referred to to me as ‘girl porn’ and I know it’s meant to be very raunchy. This doesn’t really bother me but I do have one pet-reading-hate which is the inclusion of shock content for the sake of it. I recently went to a Q&A session (at London Book Fair) with Patrick Ness and on the topic of violence he said, “it should be difficult, it should be traumatising [to write].” I take this to mean that the writer should be fully dedicated to their writing - it should be effecting to write. And if it isn’t, if it is just included for controversy or to boost sales, the reader probably won’t believe in it. Anyway, I am going to try and approach James’ trilogy with an open mind but it might take me a while, I think it’s probably NSFT (not safe for trains).

I’ll report back.